Why I’ve already given up on my New Years’ resolutions this year
And why you should, too—for your mental health.
Yep, that’s right.
I, Maryellen Hacko, have given up on my New Years’ resolutions for 2022 and it’s only January 17.
Normally, I’d feel deeply ashamed by this. My internal voice would be on a rampage of self-punishment and hatred.
But this year, I’m taking a different approach.
This year, I haven’t given up because I’m a “failure”, or because I’m lazy or lack willpower. I’ve “given up” because this year (possibly for the first time in my life), I’m choosing to be kind to myself.
Why making New Years’ resolutions in 2022 could have been a mistake
My decision to break my haphazard resolutions was both logical and intentional.
Let’s face it, we’re living in a new world.
Compared to three years ago—when you could book a brunch date or plan a wedding without having to cancel two days before (like I did)—the future is so uncertain these days.
With the economy, governments and public health on the constant verge of collapse, people everywhere—regardless of SES, religious or political affiliation, career choice, country of origin—are living in a perpetual state of fear, grief and trauma.
The illusion of control we once had over our lives has been dashed by crumbling external circumstances.
This has had a significant impact on mental health.
Perhaps you can relate to some — if not all — of the emotional state this woman describes in her viral TikTok?
Many of us feel like we’re just surviving week to week.
Personally, I know my mental health has suffered tremendously over the past 12 to 24 months, adjusting to this “new normal” (or lack thereof).
This year, I didn’t have the same motivation or drive to set resolutions as in previous years. I still did, but resentfully.
Then, I realised I was only exacerbating the stress I already experience by holding myself to additional (and unrealistic) standards.
So I made the intentional decision to give up!
But isn’t self-improvement important?
“But isn’t self-improvement even more important when we’re experiencing stressful external circumstances?” I hear you ask.
Absolutely, yes. I’m not telling you to stop improving yourself.
Instead, I’m suggesting a different standard of measurement; a different litmus test to determine how you should be setting goals.
The problem with most New Years’ resolutions is that they focus on outcomes:
- Lose 20 kilograms.
- Earn $15K from my side-hustle.
- Read 30 books.
Rather than focusing on daily behaviours, they focus on reaching a certain milestone. And they quickly make you feel defeated as a result.
Sure, there are ways to avoid this—by setting SMART goals, for example. But even this suggests breaking down a results-based goal into smaller, regular increments.
Any results-based or outcomes-focused goals, regardless of how well they are broken down, still assume a certain degree of control over external circumstances that may not be realistic in 2022.
This is hugely problematic when we naturally attach personal self-worth to achieving outcomes-based goals.
Tying up self-worth in outcomes-based goals—that probably can’t be reached (at no fault of one’s own)—is a mental-breakdown waiting to happen.
To continue our journeys of self-improvement in 2022, we need to change our mindsets.
We need to start setting “kind goals”.
What are “kind goals”?
To borrow some principles from James Clear’s Atomic Habits:
“Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress.” and—
“You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.”
Some wise words from Mr Clear, that’s for sure.
In a time where tomorrow’s freedoms and circumstances are so uncertain, it’s important to ground ourselves in the here and now.
Instead of focussing on outcomes, we should start focussing on processes. On habits and rituals. On the present rather than the future.
This is crucial for mental health.
Science clearly shows that grounding oneself in the present and practising gratitude can increase happiness.
So what does this look like, practically? Let me give you a real-life example.
How to set “kind goals”—my real-life experience
As I mentioned, I’ve scrapped all my New Years’ resolutions this year. Except for one:
This year, I have committed to making art every day.
Making art is now my only concrete goal this year. And to borrow more principles from Atomic Habits, each daily milestone counts even if I only do one brushstroke, or pen one word.
Notice that this goal isn’t to create 100 artworks, get 10 new art/illustration clients, or “finally figure out my art style” (an endless task).
The goal is simply to show up and make art—even if it’s bad, and even if it’s only for 5 minutes. The process is the goal.
(Naturally, I tend to enter the flow state and do more than 5 minutes once I start, but this minuscule, “kind goal” makes it nice and achievable).
Why have I committed myself to this?
Three reasons:
- To protect myself from ultimately failing my unrealistic New Years’ resolutions, and therefore protect my mental health.
- To help me finesse my personal art style and build up a body of work (things that will most help my career in art and illustration) by consistently practising and experimenting.
- Because I want to be more present and enjoy each moment of this one, wild and precious life I’ve been gifted.
In my daily art-making, I’m striving to enjoy the process—the mess, the uncertainty, the paint-covered elbows, ecstasy and/or boredom of each moment—rather than placing all my contentment or self-worth in outcomes, as is my tendency.
(Just so you know, this takes every ounce of intention and does not feel natural, most of the time).
But overall the process feels good, gives me a grounding illusion of control, and makes me feel like I’m achieving something everyday (even if I’m not sure what the outcome of that will be).
In this way, even through future lockdowns or uncertainty, I’ll continue to feel free.
In summary, you should drop your resolutions, too
Are your resolutions unkind?
You probably won’t have to analyse them too hard to know if they are or not.
If you know deep—or not so deep—down that your goals for 2022 are:
- Outcomes-based
- Unrealistic, and—
- Unkind
Then maybe it’s also time for you to drop the resolutions and pick a “kind goal” for 2022 instead. Goodness knows your mental health probably needs it.
A little kindness never hurt anybody, after all.
